Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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