Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
