Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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