When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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