just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
