I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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