If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
