I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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