Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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