when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
