I'll bet she douches with gravy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize