Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
