I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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