so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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