if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
