i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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