i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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