I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
