Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
