Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
