I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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