if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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