What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
