Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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