and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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