I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
