He uses pillows to masturbate.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
