Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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