i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
