before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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