Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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