what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
