where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
