No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
