Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
