she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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