how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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