wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
