it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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