That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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