im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
