i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
