I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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