god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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