Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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