Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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