when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
