i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
