did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
