Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
