Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
