When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
