Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
