Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
