nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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